It’s no secret this motherhood thing has been hard for me. It has felt like it’s been harder for me than anyone else in the world.
When I would talk about it I would feel this creepy crawly feeling all over my body. Like everyone else was thinking, “what is wrong with her, why can’t she just suck it up and enjoy her baby?!”
It didn’t occur to me until recently that the feeling I’ve had the past 9 months since my little man has been born has been shame.
Shame that it’s hard for me.
Shame that as a newborn, I yelled at him to stop crying because I was trying to eat and I was so hungry, tired, frustrated, overwhelmed…
Shame that I broke down in tears at 2 am many times because I wondered if having a baby was the worst idea ever.
Shame that other woman can do it and I felt like I can’t.
Shame that I needed help.
Shame that I let him cry to long in his crib when he was actually hungry.
Shame that I didn’t understand his needs in the beginning and he was left more hungry or tired than he should have been.
Shame that I am not overwhelmed with joy.
Shame that I wish I could just work on my business somedays and not take care of a baby at all.
Shame that it doesn’t bother me to drop him off at the gym daycare at all. In fact I love that time to myself.
Shame that when I drop him off at grandmas I’ll be half way to work and realize I didn’t even say goodbye to him.
And perhaps there is more that will come bubbling to the surface not that I have opened up this can of worms.
Brene Brown says that shame only exists in the dark. Therefore I am bringing light to my shame.
If you are on my email list you will have received some fairly vulnerable emails from me since Rome has been born. I share my challenges and struggles in hopes that it allows you to do the same. If not with me then with someone that you trust.
Being vulnerable takes courage. I get that it’s hard and you’d rather skip over this idea of being vulnerable to lose weight.
I know it would be easier for me to give you a step by step “How-To” guide… but it just doesn’t work.
We have to look at what gets in the way. And your own shame and vulnerability story is getting in the way of your results. So please start exposing your “darkness” so we can move forward together in the light.